Some cultures of the world deem the human experience as fated , something predetermined largely by forces beyond mortal understanding. That every reaction, every encounter and connection leads to a chain of events that eventually form eulogies to the people we have affected, whether it be something good or bad or any other complexity that falls between. Few interesting dogmas might go further to suggest our experiences in this lifetime teaches us lessons that eluded us in past life that have now become paramount to our self growth. So much so that we cannot escape it. If we still fail in this current life cycle it’ll meet us in the next and if we fail in the next, well you get the picture.
“as above, so below”
Sometimes I choose to take the phrase “written in the stars” literal but then again I tend to romanticize a lot. But just for a bit, visualize the human essence as either bodies of cosmic light or just stars floating through space. Think of the entire star cycle, from gas cloud to star remnant, as the exact equivalent of a human life cycle; birth to the eventual disintegration to dust. Imagine looking through a telescope and one day you notice the twinkle of a star, one you’d never seen before; Its earthly equivalent meaning somewhere in this world, perhaps millions of miles away a baby is born. Two stars crossing paths likens to two souls meant to experience a given time together; either to create a light so bright it could torch a certain portion of space or perhaps the stars cross each other indicating time together has come to an end, they continue on their journey floating through space again and forming clusters with other stars. Maybe that would mean we are finding our people, people we know that are something stronger than coincidence . A galaxy meaning we belong to something beautiful, dark and bigger than ourselves.
It’s my twenty second year lease on this Earth, and I hope my star isn’t taking its job too seriously and it’s just enjoying its time being a flaming body of hydrogen and helium as the hot girl it is ( Pun Intended). Surrendering oneself to the force we think is responsible for us is quite tempting isn’t it ? Trusting that something or someone somewhere has a plan for us and regardless of much of life’s rock bottom we hit, it would only make us stronger. It’s a delicious thought, one I’d have to disagree with. In the words of one of my favorite tweets of all time “What doesn’t kill me owes me a fucking apology”.
I don’t think of fate as something outside of myself. I don’t think it’s a different concept or entity from our daily connections. I believe fate is dependent on experience and mastery of self. I think fate is the conscious decisions we make everyday. Who we share our lives with, connections we choose to water, our response to those in need of help, the line of work we go into, our choice to stay when everything else is screaming go. Our commitment to demanding more from life.
It’s crucial we understand that letting go of the illusion of control is in itself control and that is not a bad thing. It means you’re choosing to detach from outcomes, expectations, heartbreak and disappointment. It means you’re choosing yourself as much as you possibly can.
I get the urge to free spirit my way through life, to trust and believe in something and to guide me toward the path and the people that are meant for me, but I’ve come to learn that thinking is lazy. Don’t you just love the feeling of satisfaction when something you’ve nurtured and worked for comes to fruition, the high that comes with the belief that you can do anything you put your mind to. Every good thing in life requires conscious effort and commitment and that requires a large and continuous self awareness and growth. There are 7 billion inhabitants on earth so just how special can I possibly be? We deserve to live life to the fullest and thats why we have to actively invest in our wholeness. To maximize every moment of joy and satisfaction, preserve those connections that make me feel alive and discerning when it’s time to walk away. Life and all the range of emotions that it contains are not set in stone but why not at least try to pick the ones that fill our soul.
So at twenty two I realize there’s still so much to learn but I won’t say I know little. I realize I don’t know what will happen tomorrow but I know what I want to happen and working on just knowing is enough to assuage my fear of unknown. I know to choose people that choose me and I am so grateful to have friends that love me. I’m grateful for conversations that make me feel alive, I’m grateful for those little signs that make me know I’m doing something right. I’m thankful for opportunities that have come my way even when I feel like I don’t deserve it. I’m thankful for every chance I get to be and express.
Life is too interesting to gamble your sanity with people who aren’t sure of you. People who demand you to sit in anxiety and perform your worth for them like you’re some minstrel. My friends, you deserve to sit at tables with cornucopias overflowing with love , compassion, empathy, adventure, luxury and bastard money. You deserve to seek comfort in the arms of those you love, to process and feel your downs without having to be strong for anyone else. To have off days that should never be used against you. You deserve to recognize and remove yourself from toxicity, condescension and devaluation disguised as tough love or well meaning advice. I wish you freedom from people who would rather you labor for the table scraps of their affection because you deserve the love that only chooses you and never fails to let you know. Easy and free flowing connections. To set yourself free from the clasp of those who would only seek to put you down. You deserve to do work you enjoy, work where you feel valued and paid in kind. You deserve to study things that make you question the very essence of everything. We deserve to be more than fine, to be more than okay. You deserve people that love you even on days you don’t love yourself. You’re more than an afterthought, more than a tool in any egomaniac’s workshop. You are one of the baddest bitches to grace this earth and if there’s a cause to feel otherwise always know when to give ’em hell.
“The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars / But in ourselves, that we are underlings.” (Julius Caesar, Act I, Scene III, L. 140–141).
