Sometimes you liken your pain to a phantom limb and because you don’t see it so you lie to yourself that it’s not there. And then once you forget the lie, you feel it again and then you lie again. On and on the cycle goes. You brace up, wear a brave face, you feel the sunshine on your face and you smile. When the sun sets, in the thick of the night, your cheeks are again wet with salty tears, you feel it with your fingers, you feel how real it is, it’s palpable. You want to soak in it till someone finds you. Darling you can’t even find yourself because you’ve died a thousand times.
And because life waits for no one, you’re about to kill yourself some more by sunrise . When morning comes you’re going to smile and chat away, you’d hide your darkness in jokes that only another kindred soul can recognize. You hope that something shifts, something changes. You hope that the universe hasn’t forgotten you and that it smiles upon you. Maybe it’s a lesson to teach you strength or is it patience ? Which one are you to learn this time? You know for sure that there’s a rainbow after this storm. You know that for sure because you’ve been here before, haven’t you? And like nature, life and its abstracts are cyclical, seasons come and seasons go. But it’s getting a little tedious right now, isn’t it? How long does anybody go along with this? How long can you keep up? What will be left of you after this season and the next and the other? These questions make for one hell of a party game. Why don’t you play your hand and see?
Feel everything you’re meant to feel for as long as it lasts. Feel your joy and feel your tears and when morning comes, tell it to fuck off. Your sun will rise when you tell it to rise.
